Long Road (W-inds)

i am back in Brisbane for my 3rd year.

i felt lonely without the company of my family and my buddies back home.

well, that's life i supposed.

everything has a new beginning and an ending.

right now, it's another new journey.

it's going to be an extremely long tiring road.

if only i could fast forward everything...

You're the best of my life (Lee Hyun)

i am flying back to Brisbane tonight.

it had been 3 months since I was back in early December.

i came home with the feeling of betrayal, lost and skeptical of everyone around me.

But after 3 months, i am leaving home today as a new person with the trust build by my family and friends. A friend is indeed one who believes in you when you have ceased to believe in yourself.

my summer break in Malaysia began with a 3 days 2 nights trip to KL. it was so short and brief that I earnestly yearned for a longer trip with them. During that brief period, my mind was free from worries and laughter didn't seem fake at all. Sincerity brought the joy in friendship.

despite being so drenched out from the earlier KL trip, we challenged our bodies for a cycling trip in the forest. Though we wasn't exactly cycling due to exhaustion, I knew I was having one the best time of my life. I learnt that best friends are like diamonds, precious and rare while false friends are like leaves, found everywhere.

I met with my childhood best friend and I knew her since I was standard one. Both of us skipped Standard Four together and that's how our friendship blossomed. I couldn't agree more that the best antiques are old friends.

There is nothing half so pleasant as coming home again. Words could never described the comfort of seeing your parents and sister. Those familiar faces assured you that you are safe and well taken care of. Home is where the house is.

My dear sister who is a friend and defender of mine. A listener, a counselor and a sharer of delights and sorrows too. And seriously, the best thing about having a sister was that I always had a friend and I was never left alone.

No matter how far you proceeded from your starting point, the heart still misses the beginning of everything. Though we left school for nearly 5 years already, the familiarity never changed from the ringing sound of the school bell to the teachers who taught us.


Just when i lost faith in friendship, I found the true sincere ones who love me for who I am. Who stood up for me when I was betrayed, lost and sad. Who showered me with hope and love. I am thankful to be surrounded by amazing family and friends. I promised that with my return to Brisbane this time, I will be a different person, a more mature and a more forgiving one. A more independent one and most importantly a more optimistic one. Though it will not be easy, but I know my family and friends will be there by my side throughout my journey.

Final words for my high-school friends, "If all my friends were to jump off a bridge, I wouldn't jump with them. I will be at the bottom to catch them."

Goodbye my home and Malaysia, I shall see you again in 2012. =(

Lost in Love (Dalmatian)

revamp my blog with my very first hand-drawn banner.

named it quirky buzz because i am a fan of quirky fashion, though i never rock the fashion well.

i decided to keep my blog as simple as possible because I desperately wish my mind is as simple as that, just like an innocent child.

Sis is leaving this Sunday and I felt lonelier than ever.

Could I freeze the summer breaks and never return to Brisbane?

Pierrot (JYJ)

I did not wrote a heartfelt post for a very long time as I was fully pampered back home.

But the 'thing' in me will never change, the thing = the brain of mine which wanders 10000000 miles across the sea everyday. Yeah, i am a fantasy dreamer, an unnecessary worrier,and a full-time pessimist. My heart is reluctant to return Brisbane. Studying in overseas is the dream of everyone, pursue the prestigious degree in a prestigious university. That was my dream when i was little, i had my dream into reality now, yet i wasn't happy. in fact, i was far from happy. And I am tired of being a Pierrot, someone who is not a fool but struggles to find something more in life.

I felt alienated studying in a country that doesn't belong to you and no matter how friendly the people there were, I always felt a part of me was missing and the bond i had with them isn't the same. Friends, that's the furthest we could be, Not best friends. Despite them, being really nice and sweet, I find myself difficult to trust them because we are not from the same cultural background. For instance, I can't crap with them about 'Pig stomach soup' which I doubt they ever tasted it before. At times, I had to stop myself from blurting out random 'Hokkien' or 'Malay' during conversations to avoid the 'wft' look from them.

When i was doing my foundation, I had one of the best time studying despite the less famous, unhygienic and isolated college. I had the best roommate who share pretty much the same passion with me in music, the most awesome classmates that made me laugh frequently, the friendliest next-door/ down-stairs neighbour, the best dinner session in mamak stalls, the best karaoke session ever in a VIP room for a normal rate and the most memorable moment of tumbling down the stairs with my neighbours swinging their doors open to laugh at me.

But yet the one i miss most is my secondary life, especially Form 5. When I was hanging out with my friends lately, they told me they hated me back in Form 2 because I seemed more superior than them. To think about it again, I never really had many friends since young and especially after I skipped to standard 5 where my presence wasn't welcomed at all in 5 Hijau (my primary life) Everyone looked at me as if I was the intruder of their class. Honestly my dear friends, do you really hate PTS students back then? I even received 'surat layang' from my classmates, shoo-ing me out from their class. Sadly, I am so unlikeable back then. Things became worse when I was elected as the Head Prefect in my primary school where my classmates isolated me completely except a few. It was only till Form 5 where I sat beside Jyi changed my social life entirely. I never regretted a single moment of it because That's exactly how I met all my current best friends.

Making friends ain't difficult for most people but for me, it is like a pain in the ass. Yes, best fitted description ever. I hate making first move in knowing someone. I am always concerned about people's impression on me. That's why I never make friends. It's stupid, I know but I will never approach someone unless someone approach me first. So forget about me going up to you to say HI even if i know you well. Don't ask me why. I hate that part of mine too and that's why I sucks a big time in long distance friendship because I never laid any effort to retain it despite I cherish the friendship more than myself in reality.

I never make friends easily and that's a fact. Just look at my own Malaccan friends, I knew them since Form 1 but I was only close to them in Form 5. My closest buddy ever, Seow Lin. I knew her since Standard One but we were only attached to one another in Standard 5. It took freaking 4 years to develop both friendship I had know. Intec, I knew my friends like Koo, Mary anne, Melissa, Carolyn since Sem 1 but we were only close in Sem 3. It took freaking 1 year to build our friendship. And once I own the friendship, I treasured it more than anything.

And because of those ridiculous characteristic of mine, I never make many friends in Brisbane and I felt so isolated and even more alienated in an unknown place. I do not like strangers and I hate random people trying to be your friends all of the sudden. And All of that, sums up to my pathetic unhappy life in Brisbane. Alright, not really pathetic, just far from the university life i dreamed when i was little.

p/s: Oh, if you took the time to read till this sentence, you are awesome and I respect your patience to read an entire long draggy post. If you reach till this point and totally freaking out that I might be a social phobic, sorry to disappoint you but I am not. That's just me, a sad Pierrot and a more homely person. If you read till here and you are one of my friend, please be my friend forever because I do not own your friendship easily. Thanks.

p/s p/s: This is the most genuine post ever written in my blog while listening to my top rated korean songs.

I'll be Back

i'll be back (2pm)



am i blogging a little too often lately? sorry, my bad.
i am TOTALLY excited right now for the fact that i will be back home this Friday. yes, on a plane, across the sea and cuddle myself on my own bed on Saturday morning. WOW, hard to believe but it has been a year. time flies amazingly fast.

my updated playlist (28th Nov)

hey sis, if you are reading this post, please please i am begging you to play the video below. It features MA JUN, yes my gu ma jun from baker king. damn, i miss his incredible acting so much and sis, please do bring the other two cds back so i could stalk on him again.

Nothing could be more pleasurable in a music video when you are feasted with everything you wanted:- amazing vocals, incredibly good looks, sleek attires and pretty actress + my favourite actor, Joo Woon aka Gu Ma Jun. pure indulgence and fan-girling. am i too old for fan-girling?


1) Miss You : SM Town Ballad

2) First Snow, First Kiss : Yo Seob B2ST and Daniel Dalmatian

3) I like you more than anything: B2ST

4) Love again: Kyu Hyun SM Town Ballad



5) I'll Back Off So You Can Live - G.NA

damn, her vocals totally gave me those goosebumps especially when you are blasting it loudly on earphones and i can't stop replaying this song for her impressive vocals and also the lyrics itself which somehow affected me slightly. it feels as if the song was written for me. and everytime i listen to it, it pierce right through me. Shall i quote the chorus here?

(I know) you probably got a lady,
(I know) you probably got sick of me,
Even though the tears are rushing to me
I'll Back off so you can live
That is all I can say
I'll forget you so you can live better
So that you'll be happy without me
The love that you tossed away, you can take it
Don't even leave a trace behind and take it all
Don't even say you're sorry
Don't worry about me

6) Growing Pain Theme Song : B2ST (sorry no mp3 version, in fact i had to rip it from youtube video)

-

sometimes i just wish i was deaf instead of hearing things that i never wanted to hear in my life.

Secrets

One song that explains all the feelings I had now.

I need another
Something to get off my chest
My life gets kinda boring
Need something that I can confess
'Til all my sleeves are stained red

From all the truth that I've said
Come by it honestly I swear
Thought you saw me wink, no
I've been on the brink, so

Tell me what you want to hear
Something that were like those years
Sick of all the insincere
I'm gonna give all my secrets away

This time, don't need another perfect lie
Don't care if critics ever jump in line
I'm gonna give all my secrets away

My God, amazing how we got this far
It's like we're chasing all those stars
Driving shiny big black cars
And everyday I see the news
All the problems that we could solve

And when a situation rises
Just write it into an album
Sending it straight to gold
I don't really like my flow, no, so

Tell me what you want to hear
Something that were like those years
Sick of all the insincere
I'm gonna give all my secrets away

This time, don't need another perfect lie
Don't care if critics ever jump in line
I'm gonna give all my secrets away

Oh, got no reason, got not shame
Got no family I can blame
Just don't let me disappear
I'm 'a tell you everything

So tell me what you want to hear
Something that were like those years
Sick of all the insincere
So I'm gonna give all my secrets away

This time, don't need another perfect lie
Don't care if critics ever jump in line
I'm gonna give all my secrets away

So tell me what you want to hear
Something that were like those years
Sick of all the insincere
So I'm gonna give all my secrets away

This time, don't need another perfect lie
Don't care if critics ever jump in line
I'm gonna give all my secrets away
All my secrets away, all my secrets away

Trashing All in One

i accomplished one of my bucket list:
To Sit in the middle of my Uni busiest road!!
(though it wasn't busy on the day i took the picture)
how awesome I am!?!

i have nothing much to blog about as I was practically staying at home most of the time. what a hardcore nerd i could be. and with exams in 3 weeks time, I have to bid all my shopping and eating out and loitering in city farewell. so yeah, I grounded myself at home. and looking back at all these 20 years, I could never understand how I survived through every exams. it's unbelievable.
i never enjoyed exams (nobody does right?) as exams make people different. friends become strangers and yourself become an entirely different person. overloaded with stress, dying brain cells and unhealthy diet with extremely dirty house and unwashed clothes piling up. the pathetic life of a university student. and once again, i am trashing everything into one post so bear with me, will you?

and the best form of enjoyment during exams is by watching dramas. Baker King,hell of awesome! My protagonist of all time, Gu Ma Jun. He is hell of hot and evil which makes him the ideal realistic character. and by having him as my desktop wallpaper, it inspired me to study and repay my hard work by re-watching my favourite scenes of him in the drama. an ingenious way of keeping me awake and staying on the table.

pictures keep memories alive and who could even believe that the picture above was taken two years back? so much fun and joy and it felt as if it just happened a few days back. Time flies faster when you're older. and with the fact that I am graduating in two years time, I feel old with many unaccomplished youth dreams.

the 100% knitted-coated toilet! would you even dare to use it? so much comfort while peeing.

and i just have to share these awesome new songs that I am currently addicted to.

1) 'So Today' (by Ft Island -my fav jae jin sings!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)
tell me that you love jae jin's voice more than hong ki's voice for this song.


2) Clenching a Tigh Fist (by Beast)
3) Grenade (by Bruno Mars)
4) Saram (by Lee Seung Chul -Baker King Ost)
5) Love (by Jon Woon aka my Gu Ma Jun)
6) Soom (by Beast)
7) Say No (by Beast)
8) High Fly Acoustic Ost (by Jong Hyun Cn Blue)


and that's all folks! and i am seriously anticipating for all the good stuffs in November; officially the end of my 2nd year as a Pharmacy student, shifting into a new house, watch Mary Stayed out all night and It's Okay, Daddy's Daughter and having a crash course on Guitar.

(no idea how i tilted my head till that angle, pretty awful huh)
till then, can't wait to smile like that again!!

can i be the the amazing rose that survive through the drought?

My 20th Birthday in The Police Station

a long overdue post, but the title is no joke. I had my 20th birthday, 12am on 29th September 2010 in Brisbane police station. indeed the most memorable and remarkable birthday in my twenty years of life. We met with a car accident at 11pm and it wasn't serious but the quarrelling was pretty ugly. I was petrified and pondered, out of 365 days, the accident just had to be on my birthday night!! Life is just that sucky, isn't it? Hell yes. Incidents like that are unexpected but it just had to be on the day that I look forward most in my whole life. that's how much i despise fate sometimes.

the loving sis who spend the whole week with me for my birthday.

the roomie who spend the whole time planning my birthday.

with the lost pwm member whom we had not met for more than 6 months despite in the same state and same country.

my tremendously awesome pharmacy friends.

i know the fact that everyone tried to make my birthday the best one for me. i am totally grateful for that. i am truly sorry if i acted immature on that night. i was just unhappy with the misfortune surrounding me. Since I am 20 now, that would be that the last time of my immaturity. Till then, I am learning to grow up and to accept the fact that things will not always work out the way you plan it.

p/s: the best part of my whole birthday was when i received a call from my UK friend at 2 in the morning. brief but such a great comfort after the accident i had. =)

Farewell

why do farewell even exist? i hate it. i despise it.
someone came into your life and the next moment, it was time for her/him to leave.
i am a total loser when it comes to such things.
i do not enjoy the feeling of looking at someone as you move further away and i do not enjoy the feeling of crying alone in the bus/house. and i definitely do not enjoy the feeling of reminiscing the happy moments we had. and somehow i am pretty lousy in keeping in touch with people and that's the main reason i lost in contact with most of my friends.

sis came to Brisbane last week and she left this morning. her presence brought so much laughter to my gloomy small house and when she left, her absence in the house is deeply felt. she wasn't there to babble with me about Korean dramas, Korean guys, Korean girls or gossip about pretty girls or handsome boys or share our thoughts on fashion. it was as if half of me had vanished.

i was not the best host for sure. with the frequent mood swings due to women's so called good friend, i was rather down, grumpy or emo. it sucks for sure. but despite everything, i enjoy every moment i had with my sister. and now without her, i felt pretty aimless. and lost not knowing what to do next or later.

life is always like that, huh? hello and then bye bye?

it gets pretty tiring when you are experiencing the same feeling over and over again.
so yeah, i miss my sis so much but i know i will see her again soon and then i will be leaving her again. and
sometimes i just wish the moon is square and everything does not happen in cycles.

Why Blog?

Why Blog? That's exactly the question directed to myself. What's with the hassle of blogging un-interesting stuffs about your boring life? I never knew why i started blogging back then in 2007. It just happened, and i was so into the trend of blogging. But at times, i do think it is pretty worthless writing about your own life in a blog that no one would even be reading it. I am not intellectual, so no intellectual stuffs in my blog. I am not a hardcore reader, so I am someone with minimal knowledge of the outside world. I am not so into political stuffs so I am not the eyes of the younger generation. I am not one of the hot babes, so no hot sexy pictures in my blog So, why blog?

Honestly, i enjoy reading people's blog especially those hot babes with hot bodies and hot stories of their lives. Maybe not so-hot stories, after all they are only writing about their clubbing activities, shopping guilt, traveling stuffs and make-up. But somehow those are the blogs that i read over and over again. Call me shallow if you want too but those are apparently the appealing blogs in reality. i do love reading my personal friends' blogs too. well, at least i am not so alienated with my friends back in my hometown.

I can never figure out the reason i blog or the content in each post. Uploading pictures, adding a couple of words into the pictures or scrabbling down all the bitterness of my life. That's how i regard my blog as. Pretty worthless but my companion for so many years. Without my blog, I would have felt even lonelier. As i am studying in overseas away from my family and my trustworthy friends, I admit the fear I had in my life. While everyone is in the comfort of their lovers or the companion of bf/gf, I am all alone by myself and sometimes I hardly even speak during the weekends when I am all alone at home. That's pretty much how pathetic my life could be.

I am being so introvert these days and worst still, pessimistic about my life. I hardly look upon myself and feel worthless. Blogging somehow retain part of my 'social' life alive, though virtually only. As quoted by my friend in her blog, " I probably burnt out my youth, at 20." I couldn't agree more. Why worry tremendously when life should be good at this age? Worrying does not take away tomorrow's troubles, it takes away today's peace. And i am always doing that. Damn you, shen.

If I could release all my worries into my blog, it would be such a great way to de-worry myself. But it never works. At least, I get the relief feeling typing out stuffs that are so messed up in me. Many people are wondering how my life has been from my studies to relationship.. I was so secretive about my private life that after breaking up for more than half a year, some of my friends only knew about it.

I am doing fine with my life though not great, and i will not close my blog no matter how frequently my blog is kept aside. I do not need followers for my blog, and I am pleased with how it is right now. and If you ask me Why blog? Because it makes me happy. The end.

I don't feel the best of myself anymore.

The author of this blog has somehow decided to reappear.
Lately, i start to feel my life is so routinized and I could even possibly predict the happenings for tomorrow. I do not like it. There is no sparks, surprises or happiness in it. Everything is so monotonous, blunt and flat.
Sometimes I feel I am so isolated and lonely. There are so many things that I bottled up in myself that I wish I could let it go.
I don't hate my uni life, I just despise the life i am having now. Everything feels so out of place and I get upset easily over extremely trivial matters. I blame on the damn imbalance hormones in women. When will this holding back of fear and insecurity leave me? At times, I wish I was a kid instead, cuddling under my parents shield and absolutely free from worries. I do not want to grow up and be the other despair adult. Life is so not a box of chocolates and sadly....

I don't feel the best of myself anymore.

I don't Regret What I lost.

sometimes it is alright to lose someone in your life because through that, you will only realize that you are actually surrounded by other more awesome people who actually love you eternally apart from your family.

Make Me Smile Again

oh well, if you hate reading emotional stuffs, scroll your mouse to the right and click on the 'X' button.

semester one of Year 2 was one of my worst six months. i could have possibly been crying a gallon of tears on most of the weeks for different reasons and it sucks for sure. everything was just not right this year. i don't blame on my unfortunate luck but i guess everyone has a turning point in your life and you need something bad before something good comes. though the good has not arrived yet, the endless 'bad' issues are getting unbearable. if you are disappointed continuously for more than six weeks, it would be totally impossible to be positive about it anymore. i do admit at times i thought of giving up and flying straight back home, hiding in my mum's arm. but life ain't that easy. i told myself not to give up and this ain't a big deal at all and so i move on, fall again and stand up and fall again. it hurts. hurt tremendously in fact.

four years ago, back in high school, i was in my best phase of life. i was top in everything i did, feeling utterly happy and hardly knew the meaning of sad. but right now, everything was so ironic. i was totally at my rock bottom with low self-esteem. sometimes i asked myself how did i created all those wonders back in school that people look upon me? how quickly i could mend problems back then and how amazing i was back then. but now i lost everything. the worst thing to lose in your life is confidence. and i did.

the biggest mistake i ever did in my life was fearing the way people look at me. i am nothing near of a social phobia but more like a judgment phobia. i was so conscious about people's judgement on me that i tried to be the girl that everyone loves. even in my blog, i restrained myself from posting so many things because i feared of being judged, laughed upon and criticized. yes i hate criticism and i am a total loser in accepting them. and because of my self-consciousness, i lost who i wanted to be and i lost myself.

sometimes i did really wondered what was i crying about, what was i worrying about and what the hell was wrong with me. and i even wondered if anyone else was in the same situation like me or was it just me looking things at the wrong way. i pondered upon so many things and i never find the right answers to my questions.

indeed, i was truly glad that my semester was finally over despite the heartbreaking moments in two weeks time. Honestly, i am not looking forward for semester two. i am not looking forward for tomorrow. i am not looking forward for the future either. yes i know i should not be acting that way. but to bring me back to my top, it will take ages. i am so lost right now and i hope it is just a transient of being an adult. well, i know it doesn't make sense but i am trying my best to reassure myself that i am not in the brink of depression, panic attack or what-so-ever weird kind of mental disorders. it is just something that everyone experience at one point of their life or maybe not. i do really hope for sunshine in everything i does, from uni stuffs to personal stuffs. but everything was so cloudy lately and i am really sick of crying. life is about how you control them but if your luck is utterly hideous, no matter how well you control it, it will still turn out to be like a total crap. and worst, all the efforts you put in seems like nothing.

it is pretty pointless blogging about this post. but i could no longer hold it to myself. i am just a human, searching for comfort and finding the pathway that i lost. and will i find it again? only time will tell. but rest reassure at least i am still alive and breathing. =D

A million Confession

in my blog as usual, i try my very best to refrain myself from saying too much about sadness or the down-part of my life because my parents are reading my blog and i do not want to make them worry about me. but i failed this time.
something that i learnt from this week was not to put false hope on something because you will only hurt yourself. yes i had the hurt. i do not blame on anyone except myself because i looked at things at the wrong way and believe too much on fairy tales ending. someone should really sue Walt Disney for making us believe that fairy tales do exists through movies like Cinderella, beauty and the beast etc. because in my life, fairy tales do not exist and there are just pure crap.

but however, all the hurt and sadness i experienced in this week had make me a different person. especially in terms of believing fairy tales. lol. Tears do happen and yes i do endure, grieve but i will move on. and i now believe that the only person who is with us our entire life is ourself.

the funny part of everything was i lost something precious to me but in return, i had 3 extra new things ; a friend who will cook lotus soup for me when i am sad, a friend who will download anything that i requested when i am sad and a friend who will be there to wipe my tears when i cry, accompany me for shopping and treat me a seafood pancake. if i knew i am going to get royalty treatment like this, i am so gonna cry everyday. nah, just kidding, crying hurts a lot and i might have cried a gallon of tears this week. Thanks a lot to the three of you guys ( you know who you are) because without you guys, i would have never felt better.

anyway, life goes on and so i am bouncing back to my normal life like how it used to be two years back revolving around friends and families. so worry less about me because i am doing absolutely great now.

********************************************************************************
a couple weeks back, i received this really interesting email from my mum and i thought it would be great to share with you guys on a couple of stuffs from this email. the email was about on How to stay young and happy for instance:-

a) Laugh often, long and loud. Laugh until you grasp for breath. And if you have a friend who makes you laugh, spend lots of time with him or her.
Now i know why i was so emo in Brisbane simply because I am not having my big laughter friend, Siang Shu Hua by my side. She always make me laugh and without her in Brisbane, i became totally stoned at times.

b) Enjoy simple things.

c) Surround yourself with what you love like music.
so that totally explained my extreme craziness into korean music lately as in more extreme than usual simply because i was sad and i found stuffs that could keep my mind busy. apart from the awesome music, i was entertained with desirable eye candy too. lol just like these: (Behold! Caution! If you hate korean songs, stop reading this post. )


my self-compilation of my dong hae in bonamana mv and performances. he is definitely my number one in Super Junior group.


my 2nd self compilation of my favourite dance moves in Bonamana mv. and at times i do prefer watching their live performances more because they had much awesome clothing there but something for sure nobody could dance better than them.


my 3rd self compilation of my favourite scenes in Love Mv by CN Blue. yes i do like jong hyun and min hyuk tremendously and sometimes it just irritates me a little when jong hwa is getting all the camera-attention. he wasn't my favourite in cn blue and even in you're beautiful series but of course he is an awesome singer that i can't deny.


and my final compilation of Sweet Holiday performances by Cn Blue. jong hyun guitar-ing skills and the mesmerizing white acoustic guitar. if only i could have one guitar like that.

don't call me crazy please.
trust me it ain't easy in getting the right part of the mv and print-screening it and compiling all of them together. well, i am doing it in the manual way. lol. ok, that's all for now.
mummy & daddy, i am doing really fine as you can see i am totally crazy about my korean music as usual. so do not worry about me!

Family = Father and Mother, I love You

i was far from being sad beginning this year but i guess it is totally unavoidable.
most of the time i really wondered would i actually enjoyed my life much more if i had study locally instead of going overseas?
there are tonnes of people going overseas for their education and none have ever regretted it .. but i just failed to stop myself from thinking likewise.
i missed my home and my family so much. i do enjoy the freedom and doing stuffs on my own, learning to cook and adventuring new places but at times when i was totally down or frightened, i really wished my parents were here with me because the sight of them simply reassured me that i was safe.
and since i was back here in Brisbane, i never felt safe.

and whenever i talked with my course mates, they always claimed how much they wanted to have a life like mine, living apart from their parents, and i would have possibly strangled them to death at that point.
i could give up all the money in my bank account just to trade places with them. yes to trade places with them.

sometimes i feel all these small little challenges ain't that big at all and why the hell am i making a big fuss of it? beside, i am gonna be 20 this year.. and why am i still fretting about my parents? you may call me childish or a cry baby or what-so-ever but that's what i felt right now.

ranting over here somehow makes me feel better, well at least, 'someone' is listening to me without responding.

if you are reading this mummy and papa, don't worry. i will be fine tomorrow because i am sure nothing is capable of bringing me down, i might be at the bottom rock today but i know i will be right on the top the next day. that's how you guys brought me up.

i might cry but i know the tears that flow down today will leave me with wisdom the next day.

Friendship vs Money

so the final decision has been made. and we are are letting go of such a fabulous offer that happened to us. i always complain about endless misfortunes occurring on me till finally something really pleasant happened to us. well, that happiness only lasted for an hour or so. how pathetic could that be.
specifically on the accommodation issues itself,we have been through so many up and downs from being chased out of our rented house to getting endless scoldings from our current bithcy agent. and finally, two lovely seniors of us offered us to stay at their place for only AUS 100 each. that's like freaking cheap including everything. you have no idea how happy we were when we heard that offer.it was like a dream come true. dreams ain't always sweet.
however,things are always not simple for us. and never in that case. and then we remembered we have a friend whom we promised to stay together the next semester. everyone hates deciding between friends and money. definitely not excluding us. i was devastated for sure but there is no one to blame. it is just the reality of life. sometimes we need friends more than money. but do we really need that? yeah, i know i am complaining again. but blogging is the only way i can released my anger and extreme disappointment. as in extreme. just hope that it won't be a wrong decision to make though i know i can't find anything cheaper than that.