the dark side of my life

if i told you guys that i have never cried, then i am obviously lying.
if i told you guys that i have never been depressed, then i am obviously lying.
if i told you guys that i have never been stressed out, then i am obviously lying.
if i told you guys that i have never felt lonely, then i am obviously lying.
if i told you guys that i have never hate myself, then i am obviously lying.

ever since after the chinese new year break, tears don't seem to stop flowing down my cheeks... i have been crying every weekend, every day and every time...you might call me a cry baby but i have no other ways of expressing my feelings. i am utterly tensed up..not knowing what is right or wrong...or what should i do to straigthen my muddle life again? everything doesn't seems to look right in my life from my studies to my health..i have been sick for the past couple of weeks and i hate for being sick.....medication makes you feel drowsy and eventually ended up not completing my homework and assignments. medication makes you tired and you can't possibly pay attention in class.....nothing seems to be good when you are sick continously. my mum told me that i am too stressed out looking on my current health but who in the world will not feel tangled and tensed up when you don't even have time to close your eyes and rest?......not excluding me too.....
all my seniors are flying to their universities of dreams and i wondered for many times will i ever followed their footsteps or will i be stranded in malaysia?....at times i wondered too if they can hurdle through the hardship of ausmat programme, then why not me? if they survive through the whole year, then why not me? if they can achieve excellent TER, then why not me?.......of course, i can do it but hurdling through for a year seems like a billion year....a never ending journey.
i am definitely not the genius kid with the gifted brain..i am just another ordinary girl struggling through her tangled life and trying her best to iron her life out.....i may look fine and though from the otuside, but i am just another ordinary girl with a fragile heart that might be broken at any time.....