Ironic

Life is simply ironic, doesn't it? Sometimes now matter how hard you work for it, if it's never meant to be yours..it will never be. Parents tought us that we should always work hard to achieve our dreams but sometimes no matter how much effort you put it, it will never come to you and sometimes when you hardly do anything, it just comes to you easily. Yeah, sucks but that's the reality that life is full of unfairness. In fact, I'm so getting used to it.

In fairy tales, there are characters that live "happily" ever after but that doesn't work in real life. Reality check. My sister disliked me being sad, down or tattered. But I'm so lost with the things I want in my life right now. I always felt that something important is missing in my life and probably I was just trying too hard to seek for a certain ideal life which rarely exist.

Dissatisfaction with life isn't a big deal, right? In fact it's just a matter of how a person looks into their life. I should probably learn to look at the big picture and learn to realize that things may not be perfect, but they are simply wonderful. Appreciation, simplicity and satisfaction are what I should cultivate in my inner self. And true happiness too.

And there's always someone out there who loves me a lot.

Whom adore me for who I am.

so what's there not to be happy with life, right?

yes, shen.

"Smile as you hit the bumps in the road and savor the best moments- and with that, you will achieve the happily ever after you seek"

Assurance

"When everyone wants you to be that someone whom you can never be"

For the past 21 years, I wondered over my existence in this world. Is it merely a burden? What's the main point of living in this world? Is it all about chasing after your dreams (living in a huge house with a six figure salary, driving the most posh car and dressing up in the best wardrobe range ever?) or is it just about attaining happiness from the simplest thing in life (driving kids to school, eating the most delicious food ever and doing things that you enjoy most in your life)? Chasing after your dreams does not guarantee happiness and likewise, happiness is temporary only. So tell me what is the purpose of choosing either one when both do not seem to guarantee anything at all?

Best of 2011 Kpop Songs

For those who claim kpop songs are trash, then you're probably missing out one of the best-produced songs ever. I admit the fact that I listen to kpop songs most of the time, preferably those by male bands or male solo artist (sadly female voices especially those cutesy/ high pitched ones do not work well on me- totally hate it) and I am total sucker for korean slow and dandy raps, which I totally totally totally adore it. Hence, my best of 2011 definitely has a rap inserted somewhere within the song and I quoted some lines from the song too. Despite my dislike listening to female songs, Baby Soul's No better than strangers and Going Crazy (Song ji eun) stood high in my list, defeating all the other male songs.


Best of 2o11 (in random orders)

1) Can You Smile (Infinite)

"By having you by my side, you've lost your smile. Because you can only be happy once you leave my side"





2) The fact (Beast)

totally adore all the voices here

3) I remember (Bang Yong Guk ft Yoseob)

"First I became better than anyone else, I hoped you will regret it when you saw me, Yeah like that you even ignored my music, Now I blast it through the streets of Seoul"

4) On rainy days (Beast)

"It's over anyway, what is there to do now?, just looking back and regretting like an idiot, It rains all the time so this will keep repeating, when it stops i will stop too"

5)Run Away (Wei Chen ft Joon & Thunder (Mblaq)

(one of my favourite rap of all time)

"The sky's pitch black painted with shades of grey clouds, can't recall the last time I've seen a sunny day. You hear the concrete cry"

"if we can grow together instead of growing apart, maybe we can save what wasn't even ours form the start"

6) Paradise (Infinite)

"If only you're here, this is paradise, a paradise where I retained you against your will, a sad paradise from where you can't escape, a paradise where we can be together forever" (awesome falsetto chorus)

7) No better than strangers (Baby soul ft Wheesung)

i love this song as a whole because it tells a story and the verse after the 1st chorus was awesomely written.

8) Going Crazy (Song Ji Eun ft Bang Yong Guk)

I swear Bang Yong Guk's rap totally rocks the whole song even though it wasn't his song.

Apart from all the songs listed above, there's one particular song that will always remain special in my heart because I am exactly the kind of person, described by the song. Cold from the outside and finds it extremely difficult to express my love to someone including my own parents/family even though I treasured them more than anything in my life. "I love you" is not a term that you will listen from me but I do love everyone that's part of my life tremendously. So yes mum, dad, sis and friends, I treasure you a lot!

So much of being popular..

I ditched my long-established blog for varied reasons, either i am tired of it or hate the fact that

too many people knew about my blog. Despite many years back I would have forked all the way

out to publicize my blog, I would not do it now. I grew up. Back then, all I wanted to be was popular, to be known, to be pretty, to be the one and only one. Those days when i wanted to be everything that everyone wanted to be. Back then, I thought life was all about being popular and getting recognized from people. But surprisingly as i grew up, I begin to hide under my shell, isolating myself from the outside and keep hidden secrets within myself. I find it difficult to express what I hold beneath my heart and felt alone occasionally. I wasn't a special person and wasn't someone's special too. My life is plain boring, revolving around myself only. And as i grew up, I realized I was more complex than ever. Was it just a part of growing up? Or just the something that was only found in me? Right now, all I want in my life is to do the things that I

always wanted to do and care less of others' opinions on me.I may not be awesome but I can never change who I am.

and probably one day, I will be a superhero in myself.

Life of A Man (Joseph Vincent)

i refuse to believe the fact that i was back in Brisbane for a month already.

and for a month, i abandoned my blog.

i am not sure if i am glad to be back in Brisbane but I miss my parents and my sister dearly.

It feels different not having them by my side, not eating proper meal and not commuting by car any longer.

I am usually reminded that there is sunshine after rain....and after a storm, the sun will shine again. It may take a few minutes later, a few hours or even a few days but it will happen eventually. I might be seeing my sunshine soon for everything went pretty well lately. Despite the occasional ups and downs, I am handling it way better than before, for experiences make a person wiser.

I know my parents are checking my blog regularly and earnestly waiting for my updates. They aren't using skype and I couldn't see them visually for 9 months. It sucks and i miss their faces badly. So, here I am, back in my Blog.. stuffing as much pictures as possible to let them know I am doing great here. So worry less about me and be healthy back home.

In fact, in three words, I can sum up everything about my life: "It goes on"

rural awareness trip to maleny, sunshine coast.

lectures in a cinema-like theater.

the loser punishments. (outing with my pharmacy coursemates)

Korean International Dinner, we won ramen!

i am not sure if anyone realize, but my circle of friends is changing. For better or for worse? I could never figure that out, only time will tell.

and so, that simply sums up my one month in Brisbane.. and though it was more than that, I am just too lazy to upload the pictures in my blog.

Till then, I shall return to this blog real soon (I hope so)

Long Road (W-inds)

i am back in Brisbane for my 3rd year.

i felt lonely without the company of my family and my buddies back home.

well, that's life i supposed.

everything has a new beginning and an ending.

right now, it's another new journey.

it's going to be an extremely long tiring road.

if only i could fast forward everything...

You're the best of my life (Lee Hyun)

i am flying back to Brisbane tonight.

it had been 3 months since I was back in early December.

i came home with the feeling of betrayal, lost and skeptical of everyone around me.

But after 3 months, i am leaving home today as a new person with the trust build by my family and friends. A friend is indeed one who believes in you when you have ceased to believe in yourself.

my summer break in Malaysia began with a 3 days 2 nights trip to KL. it was so short and brief that I earnestly yearned for a longer trip with them. During that brief period, my mind was free from worries and laughter didn't seem fake at all. Sincerity brought the joy in friendship.

despite being so drenched out from the earlier KL trip, we challenged our bodies for a cycling trip in the forest. Though we wasn't exactly cycling due to exhaustion, I knew I was having one the best time of my life. I learnt that best friends are like diamonds, precious and rare while false friends are like leaves, found everywhere.

I met with my childhood best friend and I knew her since I was standard one. Both of us skipped Standard Four together and that's how our friendship blossomed. I couldn't agree more that the best antiques are old friends.

There is nothing half so pleasant as coming home again. Words could never described the comfort of seeing your parents and sister. Those familiar faces assured you that you are safe and well taken care of. Home is where the house is.

My dear sister who is a friend and defender of mine. A listener, a counselor and a sharer of delights and sorrows too. And seriously, the best thing about having a sister was that I always had a friend and I was never left alone.

No matter how far you proceeded from your starting point, the heart still misses the beginning of everything. Though we left school for nearly 5 years already, the familiarity never changed from the ringing sound of the school bell to the teachers who taught us.


Just when i lost faith in friendship, I found the true sincere ones who love me for who I am. Who stood up for me when I was betrayed, lost and sad. Who showered me with hope and love. I am thankful to be surrounded by amazing family and friends. I promised that with my return to Brisbane this time, I will be a different person, a more mature and a more forgiving one. A more independent one and most importantly a more optimistic one. Though it will not be easy, but I know my family and friends will be there by my side throughout my journey.

Final words for my high-school friends, "If all my friends were to jump off a bridge, I wouldn't jump with them. I will be at the bottom to catch them."

Goodbye my home and Malaysia, I shall see you again in 2012. =(

Really Really (Dalmatian)

I really wanted to attend Beast concert badly. Really really badly.

Lost in Love (Dalmatian)

revamp my blog with my very first hand-drawn banner.

named it quirky buzz because i am a fan of quirky fashion, though i never rock the fashion well.

i decided to keep my blog as simple as possible because I desperately wish my mind is as simple as that, just like an innocent child.

Sis is leaving this Sunday and I felt lonelier than ever.

Could I freeze the summer breaks and never return to Brisbane?

團圓飯 (178 Reunion)

Beautiful (B2ST)

As CNY is just a few days away, I can't help feeling happier than ever. Explicitly delighted, ecstatic and intoxicated.

1) Did i told you I won THREE cds and not one? THREE Cube Entertainment CDs, specifically B2ST. OMG. total OMG. I might have downloaded their songs already but winning something you love is an unexplainable overjoyed feeling, way better than having a boyfriend. Liking B2ST since late last year is bringing in so much luck into my life and I might stick with B2ST for a pretty long time. My lucky charm.

2) Unplanned but I ended up meeting 8tv personalities in Malacca. Though they are not the hallyu stars, but seeing someone familiar in the TV with your own eyes delivers this pleasant satisfaction.

3) after back for nearly 2 months, i finally had my all-time favourite dipping food, sate celup.

4) my pre-order from Yes Asia arrived way earlier than I expected, sweet surprise and I'm absolutely pleased that i bought it. No regrets.

5) Korea is famous with the so called bromance (the close friendship between boys, as if they are a couple) and I have my sromance too. Couple specs, Couple shirt.

On, yes May the year of Rabbit bring endless luck and wealth to everyone too. And with each passing moments, Lets embrace the Chinese New Year with a brighter, joyous and colourful Future. Happy CNY! Gong Xi Fa Cai!

Hello (Shinee)

Say Hello to Duffy, from HK Disneyland!!!

Pierrot (JYJ)

I did not wrote a heartfelt post for a very long time as I was fully pampered back home.

But the 'thing' in me will never change, the thing = the brain of mine which wanders 10000000 miles across the sea everyday. Yeah, i am a fantasy dreamer, an unnecessary worrier,and a full-time pessimist. My heart is reluctant to return Brisbane. Studying in overseas is the dream of everyone, pursue the prestigious degree in a prestigious university. That was my dream when i was little, i had my dream into reality now, yet i wasn't happy. in fact, i was far from happy. And I am tired of being a Pierrot, someone who is not a fool but struggles to find something more in life.

I felt alienated studying in a country that doesn't belong to you and no matter how friendly the people there were, I always felt a part of me was missing and the bond i had with them isn't the same. Friends, that's the furthest we could be, Not best friends. Despite them, being really nice and sweet, I find myself difficult to trust them because we are not from the same cultural background. For instance, I can't crap with them about 'Pig stomach soup' which I doubt they ever tasted it before. At times, I had to stop myself from blurting out random 'Hokkien' or 'Malay' during conversations to avoid the 'wft' look from them.

When i was doing my foundation, I had one of the best time studying despite the less famous, unhygienic and isolated college. I had the best roommate who share pretty much the same passion with me in music, the most awesome classmates that made me laugh frequently, the friendliest next-door/ down-stairs neighbour, the best dinner session in mamak stalls, the best karaoke session ever in a VIP room for a normal rate and the most memorable moment of tumbling down the stairs with my neighbours swinging their doors open to laugh at me.

But yet the one i miss most is my secondary life, especially Form 5. When I was hanging out with my friends lately, they told me they hated me back in Form 2 because I seemed more superior than them. To think about it again, I never really had many friends since young and especially after I skipped to standard 5 where my presence wasn't welcomed at all in 5 Hijau (my primary life) Everyone looked at me as if I was the intruder of their class. Honestly my dear friends, do you really hate PTS students back then? I even received 'surat layang' from my classmates, shoo-ing me out from their class. Sadly, I am so unlikeable back then. Things became worse when I was elected as the Head Prefect in my primary school where my classmates isolated me completely except a few. It was only till Form 5 where I sat beside Jyi changed my social life entirely. I never regretted a single moment of it because That's exactly how I met all my current best friends.

Making friends ain't difficult for most people but for me, it is like a pain in the ass. Yes, best fitted description ever. I hate making first move in knowing someone. I am always concerned about people's impression on me. That's why I never make friends. It's stupid, I know but I will never approach someone unless someone approach me first. So forget about me going up to you to say HI even if i know you well. Don't ask me why. I hate that part of mine too and that's why I sucks a big time in long distance friendship because I never laid any effort to retain it despite I cherish the friendship more than myself in reality.

I never make friends easily and that's a fact. Just look at my own Malaccan friends, I knew them since Form 1 but I was only close to them in Form 5. My closest buddy ever, Seow Lin. I knew her since Standard One but we were only attached to one another in Standard 5. It took freaking 4 years to develop both friendship I had know. Intec, I knew my friends like Koo, Mary anne, Melissa, Carolyn since Sem 1 but we were only close in Sem 3. It took freaking 1 year to build our friendship. And once I own the friendship, I treasured it more than anything.

And because of those ridiculous characteristic of mine, I never make many friends in Brisbane and I felt so isolated and even more alienated in an unknown place. I do not like strangers and I hate random people trying to be your friends all of the sudden. And All of that, sums up to my pathetic unhappy life in Brisbane. Alright, not really pathetic, just far from the university life i dreamed when i was little.

p/s: Oh, if you took the time to read till this sentence, you are awesome and I respect your patience to read an entire long draggy post. If you reach till this point and totally freaking out that I might be a social phobic, sorry to disappoint you but I am not. That's just me, a sad Pierrot and a more homely person. If you read till here and you are one of my friend, please be my friend forever because I do not own your friendship easily. Thanks.

p/s p/s: This is the most genuine post ever written in my blog while listening to my top rated korean songs.

Black & White (G.NA)

the annual reunion with my maternal cousin.

but our reunion ain't complete, without the other cousin who is studying in Edinburgh and the other one in India.

and that's exactly how much we grew up.

******

my favourite solo artist (G.NA) released her new album, Black and White yesterday. And thanks to her, 4 minute and Beast, I won a CD from The Breakfast Show NTV7 by participating in the slogan writing. What an awesome way to officiate 2011!and thanks to her title track, I discovered the coolest app in Iphone 4. One freaking awesome, FREE photo app that i enjoy tremendously. Be prepared for the worst.

Bye, there goes my image.

but honestly, I don't care about my image any longer after being ruined by my dearest friend, Siang several times. =)

Black and White Rocks!

Special (B2ST)

stay at this page till the picture moves.

Are you irritated with the moving pic? Lol. I was.

Currently, I'm trying my real best to learn guitar.

Good news: I could play Jingle Bell now

Bad news: My fingers are in pain and it's only the chorus I could play.

I'm being pedophile lately, all because of this Guitar genius. How I wish I was six years younger.

p/s: I am lucky and fortunate that my house in Brisbane was not flooded but Brisbane will never be the same again after the flood. Hereby, I would like to convey my heartfelt sympathy to the victims of the flash flood. May the ordeal ends soon and Brisbane returns to its sunshine state.

Rhythm of Love (Plain White Ts)

Whenever my fringe is up as below (due to the unbearable hotness in Malaysia), mum claims i look like Hwang Tae Kyung in You're Beautiful drama. Very funny, mum.

unkempt sloppy me

p/s: Thanks to the Kecoh ones, No one is as capable as us to produce 211 comments within 3 hours.

Hello Hello (Jang Geun Suk)

I miss my friends tremendously and if it wasn't for my sis, I would have rot back home. At the same time. I am mortified by the fact that I am 21 this year while my friends are 22. Could you imagine that in a few years time, we will be graduating, working, getting married, giving birth, driving our dream cars etc? Time really flies. I do not want to grow old. Stay the same forever and it would be a sweet pleasant dream. Unfortunately, idealistic world does not exist.

And if you are wondering have i abandon the greedy pig in me, I am truly sorry but NO. once a piggy, forever a piggy and in shen's dictionary, that's simply the joy of eating.

Today My Life Begins (Bruno Mars)

here i am, in the year of 2011. a year after a year and amazingly, it had been 5 years since i left school. and yet, within these five years, i experienced more than i ever had. Step by step, leaving the adolescence world and finding the courage to pursue adulthood. and last year, life ain't a box of chocolate at all, tears and sorrows accompany me all long. As quoted in Bruno Mars' Song, "I wondered If I'd ever heal again, just like all the seasons never stay the same, all around me i can feel a change, I will break these chains that bind me, Happiness will find me, Leave the past behind me and so Today my life begins."

And if it wasn't for the support from my family and friends back in Malacca, I would not have hurdled through 2010 easily. Thanks to them, I felt love and sense of belonging. And because of them, I knew I am not alone in this world, in fact I knew I was the lucky one to be loved. And so, for the year of 2011, i promise to ditch the bad behind with a whole new world awaits for me, "Its mine for the taking and I know I can make it, Today my life begins."

since my last post or since my sis was back in Malaysia, I was so preoccupied for the past two weeks, travelling to Putrajaya, Muar, Kuala Pilah, KL and celebrating friend's birthday, Xmas countdown and New Year Countdown. i blame no one, but myself when i put on endless weight.

one of my best old buddy in Malacca, Siang's 21st birthday. Thanks to Onn's extraordinary, astonishing, mind-blowing and fascinating handmade book, this dear friend of mine shed priceless tears on her birthday.

as I am the only one studying in Australia, while the rest studying abroad in north or in Malaysia, reuniting with my whole group of friends seems impossible within these few years. we may seem rather small currently but I am certain that in a few years time, we will be 'one' again.


Popsicle that I miss so much, the cheapest ice-cream and yet the one I missed the most while I was in Brisbane.

kawan baik tersayangku dalam hatiku,

cheesy ain't it? oh well, at least my Malay ain't that rusty yet. The awesome two who brought so much laughter, though I only had a few weeks with you guys, you both deserve a lifetime memory in the brain of mine.

and secretly, i miss my other three friends tremendously too:- Jyi, Darlynn and Eunice.

the so-called transportation that i miss dearly: Bicycles. and thanks to these awesome friends, this desire came to an end. I am an official big time loser when it comes to activities that demand energy and stamina. I lack of both, and I struggled like a mad woman, cycling up the hill, across the forest.

being a kid has no age limit, and being a kid occasionally makes you laugh. But well, obviously you need friends who is willing to tag along your childishness. I found mine, no I didn't, more like they unleashed the child in me.

The seamless childishness worsen when the sea-saw was further manipulated as a weighing scale. And the Winner takes it all, the pride specifically.

and nothing could end this post better than a candid picture with a simple smile that friends carved on your face. precious.

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ok i am lying. this post shall end with my newest drug, Yoo Ah In. I am not sharing him with you, Siang.