Only YOU...Deutschland

devoted love for Germany Football Team

Thanks, Sis for my very first football jersey. Yes, my first jersey is specially dedicated to Phillip Lahm, my all mighty best defender in my eyes at least!

allow me to tell you a little story of why i choose Germany team out of hundreds teams in the wc. it all started when i was 12 years old (2002 wc in south korea-japan). my usual routine that time: back from school, switched tv on and watched football while doing homework. and that's how i spotted Germany with the amazing Oliver Khan goalie but they weren't my favourite yet.

and came 2006 when i was in form 5. merely all my classmates were hardcore fans of Germany and how can i not join them??? i still remember the day when Germany lost in the semi finals. The whole class was mourning in sadness and when our biology teacher knew the reason behind our sadness, she laughed her heads off. so much of a 5 Science 1 class. and that time i was introduced to lahm by Rui Thyn, my classmate. and that's when i can't get my eyes off Germany. lahm was so amazing in his defending skills and he is indeed the small man with big role! there were other amazing players too like podolksi and klose.

and now 2010. lahm is the captain of the Germany team. my fav as the captain and with more new amazing players like ozil, muller and marko marin. total perfection. but somehow i just realised many people weren't a big fan of Germany team except my own classmates. everyone has their eyes on Brazil, Argentina, Netherlands, Portugal, Spain etc.

Germany next match would be against Maradona's team. oh well, Argentina is really strong and i can't deny that with messi, higuain and tevez in the team. even if you guys can't make it to the finals, I am still proud of my team as they are still young and have a good future ahead of them in the next wc.

Germany, you are so KLOSE to finals! play a good match against Argentina. ( btw, i personally think Germany vs Argentina is gonna be one of the most watched and anticipated match!)

p/s: damn, i just realized i have been really 'wordy' lately.

Make Me Smile Again

oh well, if you hate reading emotional stuffs, scroll your mouse to the right and click on the 'X' button.

semester one of Year 2 was one of my worst six months. i could have possibly been crying a gallon of tears on most of the weeks for different reasons and it sucks for sure. everything was just not right this year. i don't blame on my unfortunate luck but i guess everyone has a turning point in your life and you need something bad before something good comes. though the good has not arrived yet, the endless 'bad' issues are getting unbearable. if you are disappointed continuously for more than six weeks, it would be totally impossible to be positive about it anymore. i do admit at times i thought of giving up and flying straight back home, hiding in my mum's arm. but life ain't that easy. i told myself not to give up and this ain't a big deal at all and so i move on, fall again and stand up and fall again. it hurts. hurt tremendously in fact.

four years ago, back in high school, i was in my best phase of life. i was top in everything i did, feeling utterly happy and hardly knew the meaning of sad. but right now, everything was so ironic. i was totally at my rock bottom with low self-esteem. sometimes i asked myself how did i created all those wonders back in school that people look upon me? how quickly i could mend problems back then and how amazing i was back then. but now i lost everything. the worst thing to lose in your life is confidence. and i did.

the biggest mistake i ever did in my life was fearing the way people look at me. i am nothing near of a social phobia but more like a judgment phobia. i was so conscious about people's judgement on me that i tried to be the girl that everyone loves. even in my blog, i restrained myself from posting so many things because i feared of being judged, laughed upon and criticized. yes i hate criticism and i am a total loser in accepting them. and because of my self-consciousness, i lost who i wanted to be and i lost myself.

sometimes i did really wondered what was i crying about, what was i worrying about and what the hell was wrong with me. and i even wondered if anyone else was in the same situation like me or was it just me looking things at the wrong way. i pondered upon so many things and i never find the right answers to my questions.

indeed, i was truly glad that my semester was finally over despite the heartbreaking moments in two weeks time. Honestly, i am not looking forward for semester two. i am not looking forward for tomorrow. i am not looking forward for the future either. yes i know i should not be acting that way. but to bring me back to my top, it will take ages. i am so lost right now and i hope it is just a transient of being an adult. well, i know it doesn't make sense but i am trying my best to reassure myself that i am not in the brink of depression, panic attack or what-so-ever weird kind of mental disorders. it is just something that everyone experience at one point of their life or maybe not. i do really hope for sunshine in everything i does, from uni stuffs to personal stuffs. but everything was so cloudy lately and i am really sick of crying. life is about how you control them but if your luck is utterly hideous, no matter how well you control it, it will still turn out to be like a total crap. and worst, all the efforts you put in seems like nothing.

it is pretty pointless blogging about this post. but i could no longer hold it to myself. i am just a human, searching for comfort and finding the pathway that i lost. and will i find it again? only time will tell. but rest reassure at least i am still alive and breathing. =D

Hello, Siang!

a really weird title but since siang put a hello in my chatbox, i shall say hello back to you. i am currently in my exams study week and in a not-too-good condition either. and that totally explains my slowly rotting blog here. but i guess it doesn't matter much anyway since my readers are busy with exams too. so i shall continue hibernating for my exams till the end of june and till then i shall be back feeling a little happier and looking forward for my melbourne winter trip. adios~

p/s: siang, you better continue updating your blog cause i am still reading it despite my hibernation at my own blog. =P