when i was only ten, i thought i knew everything in this world ranging from everything i learnt in school to the best TV programme on air..i was so naive and when i think back those times, i laughed at my innocence and how simple i looked at life..sometimes, i wish i was back there again, free from worries and when decision of life is not demanded from us.. i was only running around the house at that age, waiting for my mum to fulfill all my needs and throwing tantrums when they are not being fulfilled...
when i was twelve, i though being adult was cool and what more about teenager? i had always dreamed to be the coolest girl aired on silver screen, the hottest girl with the body that every girl will die for,the popular girl with tonnes of friends and the only girl in school dating with the hottest guy from the basketball team.and that was my fairytale i have always hoped for......how stupid was i!
my fairytale never came true even till today and in fact the whole total opposite story was my reality life. reality check occur. and i knew i wasn't the coolest girl in school and in college, i was the only ordinary girl who was lost at time and was hoping for something better in my life....i never own the property of the hottest body with the longest leg in fact i was just the girl that nobody will die for, i wasn't the popular girl either with tonnes of friends, i was only the girl next door in search of her true identity...and i wasn't the girl who date the hottest guy in school in fact i am still a virgin in love life... when i knew my fairy tale wasn't going to come true, i became so emo and down..and wondered why some girls had the ultimate happiness in life while i was stucked in a world i never dreamt of. i became so sick of my life that i began to feel hopeless in the world I'm living in.......
when i was seventeen studying in college, i was awaken from my fantasy that it will never happened...and i began to felt the loneliness in my life...looking upon my friends who are in love,how much they enjoyed their life and sharing their pain with their other halves, while i remained alone in my world, jealousy became to creep in..i looked at other couples with envy and was hoping that i was one of them too.....but no matter how much i dream to be like them, i knew i will never be. i was simply the unlucky one.
and that moment i cried every night in my bed. when i started studying outside and living on my own, i began to open my eyes and i realized it is totally impossible to live on our own. i might not have a boyfriend but sincerely down from my heart, i was glad that i did not. friends was what i was thirsty for and as my circle of friends began to enlarge, i began to see different types of people and characteristics. at that moment, i just realized nobody is perfect and everyone has their own flaws...perhaps my life has been determined to be in this way and perhaps should start appreciating the way my life has gone by.
friends been coming to me and telling me about their crushes and how much they loved and adored the guy in the next class or the guy in the cafe while i sat there and listened. the happiness displayed in their face was one facial expression that i never felt before..perhaps i did but i am just the kind of person who fails to express my emotions to other...i am sore loser when it comes to that... and friends who are heart broken from their failure relationship came to me again and i was there to borrow my shoulder...at that moment, i realized too that i never shed tears for guys before and i was glad i did not.
as i began to mature, i learnt so many things in my life. being single may make us feel like a loner or someone who is not in the demand of the market but being single is being true to our self. we have nothing to worry about the feelings of others and we have all our life by ourselves...friends are more important than that and they are the true people who will stick by our side...my life was destined to be like that and perhaps my innocence ten years back was just a pure fantasy in me. if i had never dreamt about those things, i guess i wouldn't been so sad after all..but i can't possibly put the blame in my ten year old brain.
my life may be dull with a boring routine of waking up, attending lectures, gossiping with friends and going back to bed again but that's not the way i live. my life may be black and white but there is always colours that are poured by my friends. it may take ages to colour my life but the time taken to colour my life are those precious moments that i learnt to be a better person.
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